Fifty Shades Freed – Movie Review

“Fifty Shades Freed” is the third and final film in the “Fifty Shades” trilogy, based off of a series of books that double as poorly written Twilight fan-fiction. In this movie, Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele are now living the married life and having sex….that’s it. No, seriously, that’s the plot of the movie. Sure, the movie tries to sprinkle in some drama involving an antagonist named Jack Hyde, (Gee, I wonder if that’s suppose to be some type of reference to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde) but for the most part, this movie is just soft-core porn that you have to pay ten dollars to see.

The first two movies are awful. They both ended up on my list for the worst movies to come out in their respective years and the trailers for this movie didn’t give me any reason to think that it’d be any different this time around. Thankfully, I have MoviePass so I was technically able to see this movie for free and I saw this movie by myself on a Thursday night, because that’s totally normal for a 22 year old with a functioning social life. I simply went into this movie knowing that it’s the final film in the trilogy and I walked out having felt freed, for lack of a better term.

The movie’s biggest problem right away is that it doesn’t do anything to fix the flaws of the first two movies. The entire premise is that Christian and Ana are having more sex now that they’re married, but like with the previous two films, the actual sex scenes aren’t sexy at all. They’re filmed awkwardly, almost as if the camera was given to someone who doesn’t even know what sex is and doesn’t know what to focus on. Then there’s the actors, who simply looked bored during the sex scenes, as well as during the rest of the movie in general. Dakota Johnson is trying to make something work in this role, but Jamie Dornan still hasn’t improved. He was bad in the previous two movies and he’s just as bad in this one, maybe even worse considering that there are failed scenes where he has to pass off as drunk or sad. So in other words, all of the flaws from before are alive and well in this movie.

The actual relationship between Christian and Ana is actually quite disturbing in this movie. In the previous films, I simply didn’t buy that a rich guy like Christian would be into this simple choir girl that is Ana, but now it’s reached extreme levels of toxicity and the movie doesn’t seem to be aware of it. Christian is a controlling, emotionally abusive prick in this movie, to the point where he starts to over-analyze minor things such as Ana not changing her email name, or even getting jealous of a hypothetical baby that hasn’t even been conceived yet. He overreacts every time Ana is near another guy, and he tries to control every facet of her life. This would be all fine if the movie actually addressed that these are all bad things for a relationship, but it comes off as if it’s trying to normalize this type of behavior. The movie seems to be painting this picture of all relationships being controlling and toxic and it even tries to get us to sympathize with Christian for being an asshole, and that right there is this trilogy in a nutshell: Not understanding relationships and trying to normalize some really messed up behavior.

This movie also just doesn’t know what it wants to be in terms of its tone. One minute, it’s trying to be a sexy romance, but then it’s trying its hand at being some type of kidnapping thriller, to the point where there’s even a villain who feels like he belongs in Mission: Impossible film. The villain is named Jack Hyde and he’s stalking both Ana and Christian, but he’s not just stalking. He’s straight up planting bombs and hacking into buildings. His overall plan is absolutely ridiculous once it’s all revealed at the end of the film, but the subplot as a whole felt like it belonged into another film. Granted, seeing this guy act all villainous wasn’t as painful as watching Christian and Ana in their messed up relationship, but it’s still a part in this movie that’s both unintentionally funny and just all around unnecessary.

By the end of the movie, after having to sit through non-sexy sex scenes, sequences that exist only to advertise Audi cars, and even a car chase scene filled with terrible green screen, an out of place song in the background, and Ana magically being able to drive like she’s Baby in “Baby Driver”, it devolves into a really rushed, emotionally manipulative ending that shows us a clip show of the previous two movies, as if we’re suppose to care about this trilogy as a whole. They did the same exact thing when “Twilight” ended and in both instances, it comes off as forced more than bittersweet and emotional as the director clearly intended.

Overall, “Fifty Shades Freed” is a shitty movie that fits perfectly with the other two movies in this trilogy. And really, this movie encapsulates the trilogy as a whole; A questionable relationship portrayed by two actors who clearly don’t give a shit, and said relationship having its boring sex interrupted by forced conflicts that only exist to make the movie long enough to get a theatrical release as opposed to being uploaded on the most backwoods porn site on the internet. This movie at least deserves some credit for being consistent to the quality of the previous two films, making for one of the worst film trilogies of all time.

Rating: Fuck You!

 

 

 

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